Some Days Are like This

So I came to this coffee shop to write. To release the words that are deep within my soul, but all I can think about is the cold that is slapping me in the face and finding its way up my pants leg.
 I thought coffee shops were supposed to be warm and cozy… a place where you settle in and let your mind dance amongst the aromas that linger overhead. This coffee shop lacks all of that, but Ill do what I came here to do: write. A tradition that releases the anxiety that is seemingly always trapped within my bones.

There is something beneath the surface; something that is begging to be unearthed, but I don’t understand what it is. I want it to be released as bad as it does; for the clutter to be disposed of so that Christ can enter in its place. I want to release it all so I can climb higher on the mountain.  Right now it seems as if I’m at the base, looking up with longing eyes to be back where I was… back in the comfort of his presence. Some days are like this. Where it seems like his presence is absent, and I’m just walking in the dark…lonely…desperately wanting to be held by my savior.

Is it a heart issue? Has my deceitful heart swollen?  Filling up the space where God once settled in.

Have I pushed him out through my actions or is he still there, silent waiting for what I might do? I don’t know, but I will fight. I will fight for his presence and remain in his word even though it seems like I’m fighting for something that I’ll never see.

But ill fight anyway - Ill ask for him to puncture my heart to release the dirt, grime and filth that has infected an organ vital for Godly living. I’ll ask him to remove the haughtiness that sends me soaring above others, and teach me to be humble. I’ll ask that he remove everything that I turn to for pleasure, and insert his Word in those places. Ill ask that he help me to die to my life, my ways, and desires so that I may be a vessel for him to use.  I’ll ask that he remove me, so that I may be transformed into a reflection of him. I’ll ask him to dig me deeper into his word; a process that will remove the fleshly power, exposing a spirit submitted to Christ. I’ll ask him to remove the heavy thought that I will arrive here on earth and replace it with an eagerness to experience that in eternity.

Ill fight and press in his word, lift my voice up to him through prayer, and examine his character through his Word.

Some days are like this.

Where the cold smacks me in the face with such a force that I’m tempted to get up and leave, leave my progress for the comfort of what I have always known. Ending up in the same place that I have always been. But today is different; this season is different.

Through the cold I’ll fight, through the cold I’ll push, through the cold I’ll pray, I’ll read, I’ll study, I’ll write, I’ll do whatever it takes to grow and scale that mountain because I know on the other side of that cold is something that I could never imagine.

Same days are like this & I’m thankful because God is pushing me to grow and mature into the beautiful young woman he has created me to be.

So I stand with you sister, in those moments where it seems as though you are in darkness and Christ seems absent. In those moments where your heart aches to be brought deeper into the presence of God, but it seems impossible, because there is nothing pushing you. There is nothing welling up within your spirit pressing you to read, pray, or study.  

God is there –he’s so faithful- he just wants you to take those steps and ascend to another level. So sisters push and speak his word into your soul.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation, and my God.”

Psalm 42: 5