SideNote: Its funny
that I titled this article, ‘When you cant see what’s ahead…’ because I didn’t
really see what was ahead in terms of this article (isn’t that so fitting). I
had it in my mind that I was going to write about a particular topic: trusting
God when you can’t see the routes in between your start and your finish. But
when I started to write it got hard…real fast, like there was literally a
roadblock preventing me from going into that direction. So I gave up and continued
my previous writing flow. God just wanted me to write… so I did, and this is
what came out.
I don’t feel like writing, but something is whispering ever
so quietly to open up my computer and type. So after trying to compromise by
reading, and opening up my journal, I obeyed.
So here I am, and to tell you the truth I feel kind of
yucky. I feel as my work day wasn’t as it should have been; it was one of those
unproductive feeling days. Where I was running around touching this and
touching that, but never completing one thing. I didn’t really get to check
anything off of my to-do list…I don’t like having those days, days where things
are left unfinished. Its like trying to smooth my fro into a ponytail and there
are a million frizzy pieces sticking out everywhere: annoying. I like for
things to be neat and organized, and I like to think I’m that way (at least in
my head). I like to be able to work
through one project before moving to the next, and not have two or more on my
plate while there are others on deck. However that’s not how things work, I
would never finish what is assigned for me to finish if I worked the way I
wanted. Projects would begin to back up and deadlines would push me against the
back wall. Talk about stressful. So I have to move out of my comfort zone, out
of what has become second nature. I have to step into a place where I will be
challenged, tested, and stripped of my impurities. This is scary for me; it
doesn’t feel good to be corrected, to hear the truth, or to be stretched. To
put myself out there in a vulnerable state, where I will make mistakes, where I
wont always hear good job, and possibly could be rejected. I like to play it
safe, so that I wont have to deal with those unwanted feelings.
This is the same way I am with my faith to a certain degree.
I like to play it safe, because it doesn’t feel good to be rejected, to be put
in the spotlight where people can clearly see my imperfections, and where
people wont always say “good job” for following Christ. I’ve been asking the
Lord to help me step out of this, and to be bold for him. And through
this writing I can understand that I must just do it (I keep thinking
that there will be one opportune time where it will be like ta-daaaa). I will
not be able to accomplish the work that God has put within me if I don’t step
out of my comfort zone, out of what has become second-nature. I can’t do what I
have always done if I want to grow closer, go deeper, and truly live for him.
Just as I have to stop doing things so that I can close the gap, I must start
doing things as well. I have to step into a place where I will be challenged,
tested, and stripped of my impurities. Yes its scary, it’s downright
terrifying, but if God has called me to it He will help me through it. I need it though, I need to step out; I’ve
reached capacity in my comfort zone and its time to step out on faith.
If I wanted to be promoted I would have to capitalize on
opportunities where I could lead, I would have to step up and take the steps to
become a leader. This won’t happen if I continue to simply follow and expect
people to lead me around everywhere. Yes there will be risks if I step out, but
the reward will be far greater. I have to do the same with my faith in order to
grow; God wants me to be mature. The author of Hebrews mentions that in order
to have spiritual growth we must eat solid food. We must go from milk to
solids, babies to the mature. Hebrews
5:14 explains that, “Solid food is for those who are mature, who through
training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.” I
have to train; I have to allow God to build my inner strength and to keep
moving when my flesh feels its time to stop. Which means I have to dig deeper
and move past my emotions, and obey the promptings of the Lord even when I feel
like I will be laughed at.
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