You may be thinking what does natural hair have to do with
marriage??? For me, it has a lot to do with it! Let me explain…
I guess I have always wanted to be married. But, once I
started pursuing Christ the desire to have a God-given marriage replaced the
monotonous thought process of, “I’m getting married because that’s what I’m
suppose to do”. The desire that is within me now is much deeper than that. I
truly want my marriage to be a representation of God, not just the last stop on
the dating cycle. Throughout this past year I have learned that purpose plays a
significant role in every aspect of my life, and marriage doesn’t escape this.
Christ was and still is married to the Church (the body of Christ) to bring to us salvation,
and provide an unexplainable love. He didn’t become one with us because we’re
cute, mind you He believes that you and I are beautiful queens, but His
reasoning went a bit further than our image. There was purpose in slipping the
ring on our finger and saying I do. Without the union, lives wouldn’t have been
saved.
I am waiting on that marriage; a marriage that is purpose
driven. A marriage where my husband will love Christ more that he loves me, and
then love me as Christ loved the Church. A marriage where I will submit to him
just like the Church submitted to Christ. And a marriage that will glorify
Christ, and will fulfill what God has destined for us to do. This desire still
burns deep within me. I am glad that it has replaced the world’s view of
marriage but in doing so I also let it burn a hole in reality. Being that I was
waiting on a marriage sent from God, my mind slowly began to think that this
marriage would be perfect. God would arrange it so why wouldn’t it be perfect?
I took this and ran, creating a fantasy world within my mind. Believing that
every stage of the courting process, engagement, and then I do would sail
through without any hiccups. We would be the perfect replica of Christ and the
Church. It wasn’t until I listened to a radio interview done by Cornelius and
Heather Lindsey (an amazing couple on fire for the Lord, Google them!) that I
knew that my marriage would be nowhere near perfect. My heart broke; they
courted God’s way and they still had trying times. They broke up, had
arguments, and had to continue to work on themselves in order to make the
relationship work. The world that I created in my head was destroyed and I was
devastated. The desire to be married waned a little after that. I didn’t want
to be hurt again, or go through the growing pains of a relationship. I just
wanted it to magically appear and be everything that I wanted. My natural hair helped to alter this mindset
in a good-way.
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| Me & my Fro! |
I have been natural for almost two years (cut the last of
the relaxer off in Nov. 2011). I absolutely love it, and wouldn’t trade it for
anything in the world. Although I love it, there are times when it drives me
nuts!! I have to get up earlier in the morning in order for it to look right,
and spend extra time at night to make sure I wont look crazy in the morning. Natural hair is work. Most people think
that it would be a simpler process…. its not. It’s not like having a simple
flat wrap that takes minutes to look effortless. Natural hair takes hours to
look effortless, and most of the time it’s not effortless. I have to put in
work to get the desired look that I want. Most people come up to me and tell me
that they love my hair and ask me what I do to it. After explaining my nightly
routine, they stare and then say, “I’m not doing that every night!” They want
the end results but don’t want to go through to get it. This was exactly how I
viewed marriage; I wanted a “perfect” marriage but didn’t realize that I was
going to have to work to have a good Christ-like marriage. In the beginning,
when I was transitioning and shortly after I cut the relaxer off, I had BIG
fails. I mean there were days my head looked like the end of a Q-tip. However, although I had these big fails I
didn’t slap a relaxer back in my head, I worked though it. I learned how my
hair worked and learned not to let it upset me when it didn’t turn out the way
I wanted it too. Although I’m almost two years in the game, I still get
frustrated and sometimes I don’t want to put in the effort to wash or twist my
hair. But its worth it; I love my fro at the end of day. I shouldn’t expect my marriage or
relationship to just fall into place, my hair didn’t. It took time; it was a
learning experience.
I am glad God gave me this insight. It was hard to
understand that marriage wasn’t going to be glamorous every second of the day
like in the movies, and I almost gave up on the idea of getting married. But God reminded me in a unique way that the
same way that I love my hair and have to work with it, is the same way I will
love my husband but will have to work with him on our marriage. Marriage will
most definitely be work and it will NOT be perfect. Yes, there will be times
when my husband-to-be will get on my nerves and vice versa, there will be times
when we might hurt each other unintentionally, and times we will just have to
plain work to keep the relationship growing towards Christ. However, despite
what happens I can still have a purpose-driven marriage that is blessed from
God, and the good days will most definitely outweigh the bad.
Marriage is a beautiful gift from God embrace every aspect
of it!
I love each and every one of you! Fly higher to Christ
today, He wants you more than you think!
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